New Darling Data Product: DBA Funeral Insurance

Sorry, Tennessee

With a new version of SQL Server coming out soon, you’re gonna hear about a lot of DBAs dying due to some new feature or another.

Don’t be caught off guard like your poor, passed-on colleagues who didn’t prepare for other massive die-offs from:

  • Missing index requests 🤔
  • Virtualization 😏
  • PowerShell 🤭
  • The Cloud 🥱
  • Query Store 😴
  • Data Science (???)
RIP In Peace

Loved Ones

We’ve been studying the trends here at Darling Data, and we’ve found a $700,0000% increase in DBA death and dismemberment with each new SQL Server release.

That’s 15 quadrillion percent more than the cost of milk in the Himalayas.

Think about it.

Yak Milk.

Don’t let your loved ones drink Yak Milk because you wanted to be buried in a life-sized replica of Nick’s Computer.

Don’t Fear The Beeper

Shady Acres

The Senior DBA Care Plan© from Darling4Lyfe™ will help cover those rising funeral costs.

The best part about the plan is that’s totally tax free. Because if you don’t tell, I won’t tell either.

And you’ll be dead.

Federal* data shows a staggering increase in the cost of burying all those DBAs.

Apparently it’s tough to get someone in the ground while they’re kicking and screaming.

Call 1-900-WHATEVER today to learn more about the benefits you and your family deserve.

Plan Operators are standing by!

*: I assume there’s federal data on this that agrees with me. Subject to change at any time. Not an actual number in this timeline. Not Data Driven®

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